The Phrases given by My Father Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk between men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."